I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
