it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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