I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
