New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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