The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
