Don't make out with my wife yet
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
