I forgot how hot balto sounded
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
