we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
