you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
