Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
