he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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