Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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