I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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