I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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