It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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