please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
