If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
