i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
