u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize