i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
