I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
