when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
