I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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