things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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