Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
