good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
love makes seman taste better
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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