This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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