I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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