Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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