i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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