Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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