Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am available for nakedness
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
