i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
