I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
