Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ketchup is God's man juice
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
