you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
