Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
