I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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