No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
