Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
