Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
