He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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