i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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