All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
