Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
