Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
