We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
