Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
