What did we do last night that was yellow?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
