I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
