5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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