remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
