I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
