Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
