guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
