Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
