The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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