what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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