I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.