She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
