I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!