dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.