you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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