don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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