i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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