White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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