I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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