Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
