Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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