just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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