WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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