My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
