dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
