dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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