Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think your dad took our porno
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
