I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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