so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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