it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
