Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
