She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
