my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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