I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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