She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just googled if crying burns calories
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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