don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
